i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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