So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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