So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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