I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
