She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
