I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
