I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
