i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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