It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
