captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
