I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Do you have feelings for this penis?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
