Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
