my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
