Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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