I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
