I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
