That's intense
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
