if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
