OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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