We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
