Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
