went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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