i think my mom watched the whole time
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
