He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
