you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
