Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
