alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
