Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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