The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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