YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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