It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
