While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
