I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
