I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
