Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
