I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
