college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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