Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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