Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
