Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
