You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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