Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
