So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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