i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
