The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
