Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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