I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
