is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
