i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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