my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
