Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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