Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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