Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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