She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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