a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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