i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
