I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
