oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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