girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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