gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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