I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
