Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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