Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
